So life has been bumpy and rough off late. i'm super choked up with all the shitty things in life so far. but then again, i count my blessings and take comfort in the things i have in life. For once, thank god for awesome family and supportive friends. The last thing i ever want is to be all alone and walk this path i've chosen.
i guess this is a little ridiculous but, thinking back, when i was trying to get over Melvin, i worked myself crazy to make myself so tired and not think abt anything at all. Man was it hard. No breakup is every pretty or happy. I remember spending days questioning so much and crying myself to sleep. And i think i do remember making myself a resolution that i'd never want to cry myself to again. ever. That's probably the most pathetic thing to do.
Well of course, resolutions are hard to stand by. Every now and then, that still happens. I can't say i'm awesome at getting over breakups or moving on so quickly. i suck at it. i think too much, reminisce too much and give too much. Sometimes i'm amazed at my own patience and tolerance. But in any case, now that i look back, there were 2 songs that stuck with me so much when i tried to move on. Ironically, both those songs were released once the break up set in. I know it's a super silly and teenager thing to put in song lyrics on blogs now but since i don't know if anyone still do surf and read this blog, i guess it doesn't really matter much. does it?
I still... by Backstreet boys:
Who are you now?
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow?
What do you do
At this very moment when I think of you?
And when I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that?
No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go
I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you
Now look at me
Instead of moving on, I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment
That wasn't meant to last (to last)
I've tried to fight it
Can't deny it
You don't even know
That I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you
Ohhhh
Wish I could find you
Just like you found me
Then I would never let you go
(Need you)
(Care about you)
Though everything's been said and done (yeah)
I still feel you (I still feel you)
Like I'm right beside you (like I'm right beside you)
But still no (still no word) word from you
and
Just want you to know by backstreet boys:
Looking at your picture
from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night
Wrapped around your finger
Always in my mind
The days they blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were everything,
everything to me
I just want you to know
that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through,
and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again,
just want you to know
All the doors are closing
I'm trying to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day
The day you slipped away
I just want you to know
that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through,
and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again,
just want you to know
That since I lost you,
I lost myself
No, I can't fake it,
there's no one else
I just want you to know
that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through,
and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again,
just want you to know
So, i'm really tired. I think i've given up way too many things to come to where i am at now and now that i'm here, there really isn't much turning back. i'm not gonna burn down the forest just for one tree. i'm really really trying so hard to move away. Yes, some nights i still cry in one corner of my room or in the shower. and some days i still try to hold back my tears but i think i really ought to love myself more than anyone else. Only be protecting myself from pain and harm, then am i better at loving someone else.
Labels: bff
Magical pen of thoughts @ 7:25 PM
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